**"Donald J. Trump: Master of Time, Space, and Quantum America"**

**Setting**: Donald Trump, now wielding the powers of time, space, and an open pineal gland, sees an opportunity he simply cannot pass up—true greatness. He’s in full golden suit mode with his glowing *golden key* in hand, pacing around a golden breakfast table decorated with Diet Coke cans and Egg McMuffins. Suddenly, he declares:

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**Trump (to no one in particular, maybe a confused Secret Service agent):**

“Alright, folks. Listen. I’ve got it all now. The GOLDEN KEY. I’m controlling the universe, I’m bending time—Einstein himself couldn’t even IMAGINE this power. But! Even *I* know… there’s still more to learn. AND WHO IS THE BEST LEARNER? *gestures to himself* ME.

So now, I’m gonna do something BIG, something HUGE. I’m going to… West Point. That’s right, folks. West Point. *Tremendous* place—best military academy in the world. And I’m enrolling—yes, I, President Trump. Commander-in-Chief and Student-in-Chief! I’m taking a quantum studies class. Just one hour—because that’s all I need. One hour, and I’ll MASTER THE QUANTUM UNIVERSE. They’ll call it ‘Trump Mechanics’ when I’m done. Forget Quantum Mechanics. Trump Mechanics. You’re gonna LOVE it. Nobody's ever studied this stuff better than me."

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**The Secret Service agents exchange bewildered glances as Trump snaps his fingers—literally bending space-time. In an instant, he’s now seated in a classroom at West Point surrounded by cadets. His gold suit has somehow morphed into a black-and-gold West Point uniform, complete with MAGA patches and tiny golden eagles on his collar. A professor enters, raising an eyebrow as he realizes who is sitting in his class.**

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**Professor (adjusting his glasses):**

“Mr. President? Are you… actually here to learn quantum mechanics?”

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**Trump (smirking, arms crossed):**

“Yes! Quantum mechanics. Huge stuff! Very big stuff! Space and time, multiverses, particles, all of it. You know, Professor, people say quantum physics is hard. Not for me. I already know more about quantum mechanics than *anyone*. Schrodinger? He had a cat. I BUILD cat hotels. Wave-particle duality? I’ve BEEN a wave. At my rallies, folks. Millions waving!”

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**Professor (suppressing a chuckle):**

“Well, Mr. President, let’s start simple. Do you know what quantum mechanics is?”

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**Trump (leaning back smugly):**

“Of course I know. It’s about little things. Tiny things. Tremendous, *tremendous* little things. Smaller than Sleepy Joe’s attention span! But at the same time, these little things are everywhere. They call it *superposition,* I call it GREAT POSITIONING. Nobody positions better than me. They can be here, there, everywhere—and let me tell you, I’ve been everywhere. I get it. Some people just don’t. But I DO.”

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**Professor (scribbling on the blackboard):**

“Alright, Mr. President. Can you explain what happens when we observe a quantum particle, specifically in terms of wavefunction collapse?”

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**Trump (scratching his chin):**

“Wavefunction collapse? Easy. First of all—it collapses because it got tired. Makes sense, right? Too busy waving around, losing energy. (pauses for dramatic effect) Look, Professor, I don’t need a blackboard to explain this—I’ll break it down Trump style. When you OBSERVE the particle…it knows you’re looking—just like the FAKE NEWS when they follow me everywhere. It collapses because it’s trying to hide, just like MSNBC when I tell the TRUTH. Particles, like the media, are sneaky. But nobody sees through it better than me. Nobody observes better than me!"

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**The cadets begin snickering, amused by Trump’s over-the-top ego and his uncanny ability to insert himself into *any* topic.**

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**Professor (half-smiling, half-bewildered):**

“Well… not quite, but close enough. Let’s proceed with Schrödinger's cat experiment.”

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**Trump (interrupting):**

“Ah, the cat thing. Yes! Schrodinger. Everyone loves this part, bigly. Let me guess—it’s alive *AND* dead, right? Classic quantum. Let me tell you something. When I open Schrodinger’s box, the cat is alive. Why? Because everything I touch, I bring to LIFE. Cats, businesses, even slow economies. But when Democrats open the box—it’s DEAD. And that’s a fact, folks. A FACT.”

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**The professor shakes his head, trying not to laugh. Trump looks pleased with himself and swivels to the classroom, addressing the cadets directly.**

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**Trump (arms wide to the room):**

“Listen, cadets! This stuff—quantum stuff—it’s all about creativity, thinking beyond the tiny little box. Which I’m the best at. The FUTURE of America isn’t about staying stuck in one timeline. NO NO NO. We’re going big, parallel timelines! Multiverses! Imagine a TRUMP in EVERY universe—making America great in each one. That’s quantum for you. You’re welcome. Now, where’s my diploma?!”

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**The professor sighs. The cadets cheer. Trump stands, spins his golden key, and vanishes into thin air—off to master another corner of the universe.**

**Fade to black.**

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